Was I dreaming

I turn to talk to someone the other day and I had no voice. It was like a dream an out of body experience. I couldn’t talk and I was confused for a moment. I was signing but no idea what the conversation was about. I was in my own bubble of thoughts. I was just conversing with others right before this my mind was wondering (was I talking with them was I signing?) seriously?! For days I couldn't stop feeling the confusion of it all. I have dreams so similar to this. It felt out of body surreal. I’m just so tired of not talking. I’m tired of people saying, ‘sign is a beautiful language that’s wonderful you are learning.’ Yes, it is. And I love being able to communicate with those I would have never been able to. But I want to talk to my husband. And grandson.

Before I mentioned I felt stuck between two worlds, hearing and signing. I was chatting with a woman today that is Deaf full deaf but has hearing aids so in the deaf world they would say she is hard of hearing. Confusing to me because she is Deaf however because she chooses to use hearing aids, she is HH. Anyways, she lives with her hearing family that does not sign, I know terrible sad and makes me angry. But not the point. Her family only talks to her, so she talks and has to use her hearing aids to communicate with them. Recently they were not working so she was in the dark so to speak. I was watching her today with her family and realizing she is stuck between two worlds. So many of the deaf and HH are. I realize I need to try harder ugh.